The whole reason I started this blog was to encourage women. In particular, I feel the Lord wants to encourage women who have walked through the heartbreak of miscarriage. I speak from experience. The Lord has given me four children, but I only have one that I get to keep on this side of Heaven. She’s so smart, sweet, beautiful, and funny, but for the past four years my husband and I have wanted to give her a sibling and add to our family. The Lord has blessed me with babies I’ve prayed for, cried for, and begged for, but I haven’t got to keep them. I know that there’s a lot of terrible things people have to survive in life, but I feel like women who have experienced a miscarriage after trying for so long to have a child (or even not so long), have the greatest high and the lowest low – and they don’t feel like they can talk about it.
Ladies, this is the very reason we’re advised to not speak of the life inside us until the 13th week! It’s because the unthinkable may happen, and we may lose the child we’re carrying. No one wants to get excited for something, and then it not happen. So we hold our breath, and say our prayers, and only tell our best of friends and maybe our closest relatives. In my case, I only told people I knew would pray fervently for my fourth pregnancy. I knew that the people I let know about the life inside me would have my back prayerfully as the baby grew – and would pray for me just as emphatically if I miscarried again. Part of me didn’t want to have to disappoint my loved ones – as if I could determine whether or not it would be a healthy pregnancy.
One of the most important things I “took away” from experiencing three consecutive miscarriages, was that it is a loss that must be grieved. It’s not just the loss of the child you’ve so desired – which is so very tragic – but the loss of the dream of what that child would be. It absolutely is something you have to grieve.
It was hard for me to grieve the loss of my babies. Only after the third miscarriage did I really wrap my mind around grieving for them. It’s easier to mourn my father, who I had memories with – good and bad. It’s easier to mourn the loss of him because I have other people that remember him too. We can share funny stories and laugh and recall all the best times we had with him. That’s what people do, right? Think about the good times we shared with the ones we loved and lost.
Miscarriage shatters that idea. It’s a baby we don’t get to hold right now. It’s a life that no one outside close friends and family knew about. There were no “tangible” experiences, if you will. No photographs, no funny stories. All there seems to be is loss. It’s heart wrenching, and if you’re not careful, it can harden your heart.
You see, if you’re a follower of Jesus, you really only have one enemy. His name is Satan. His whole goal for his existence is to lead God’s people away from Him. You see, we were created in the image of God, and we were made to worship Him. The enemy jumps at the opportunity to lead us away from the Shepherd. Let me tell you: walking through a miscarriage will show you where you stand with God. Even if you are secure in your faith, it can rock you to the core. It will challenge what your faith is made of, and it can make you question how God sees you, and even if He loves you. It’s so hard to accept what we can’t understand. I’ve spent a lot of time in the Word and in prayer over the past year and a half, and I can only tell you what I’ve come up with. These are the truths I stand upon. Doubts will come. They only become beliefs when we accept them and don’t challenge them.
So if you’ve gone through a miscarriage, here are some things I think you should know. I’ll call them Universal Truths – because no matter your situation, no matter God’s plan for you, you can hold them as your truth too.
- God Loves You and Has Compassion on You. (Sometimes this is the hardest Truth.)
He cares for you. He has compassion on you. He has a book where all of your days are recorded. He knew this would happen to you (it’s not His fault – it’s a fallen world we live in), and He has already started preparations to walk you through this hard time. If you’re reading this, He wants you to know that you stumbled upon this article written by a woman that has faced what you’re facing – so that you can receive healing and a little bit of clarity on this side of eternity. He knows you’re heartbroken. He knows the doubts the enemy has and will place in your mind – but He wants you to remain steadfast in His love and KNOW that HE LOVES YOU.
You see, He had to give His son up too, for a little while. He had to turn His back on His own son – because He loves you that much. He sent His son as a little baby for the sole purpose of His eventual sacrifice for the forgiveness of your sins. Jesus was the payment of our sins so that He could redeem us from the enemy’s grasp. So that death, hell, and the grave would lose their power over us – and our babies. My friend, Jesus loves the little children. To Him, the thought of keeping the little children from Him was reprehensible. That includes the baby or babies that you’ve lost. God loves you and He loves your baby too.
- Your Baby was Created in Love and They’ll Never Know Anything but God’s Purest Love.
Your little one made it to eternity before you, never to experience the pain of life on earth. We can all agree, that while we all plan to give our baby the best life we possibly can, they will still get hurt. They will still fall off their bike and skin their knee, still have their feelings hurt, still have struggles in this life. Please hear me on this. Your baby will never know anything but the purest love: the love of their parents and the love of our Heavenly Father. Let that sink in and bring you peace. No illness, no heartbreak, no fear for them. Just peace and joy and love all around for your little one in eternity.
- He Doesn’t Want You to Give Up Hope.
If you’re a child of God, a Jesus follower, you will see and hold your baby again. Our time on earth is a that of a vapor. Here a few moments and gone. Even if we make it eighty years on earth, it’s a moment in the vast expanse of eternity. So when you’re reminded by the enemy that “God allowed your baby to be taken from you,” you remind yourself that it’s a fallen world, and God has rescued your baby from the grip of the enemy before it could ever be in harm’s way. To God, we’re here for a moment, so your baby is just enveloped in love for a few moments until you are with them again. I know it seems like it will be a long time until you will be with them again. I promise you though, once you make it to Heaven, you’ll have your child for eternity and this momentary pain will be overshadowed by the pleasure of being in God’s presence. You have a future. You can hold on to hope and make the most of this life you’ve been given while you’re here.
If He gave you the desire to have more children, He will fulfill that desire. It may not be the way you imagine or by your preferred schedule, but if He’s told you He’s good for it, He’s good for it. You see, He can’t say anything that doesn’t serve the purpose for which it’s intended. His words don’t drop to the ground. They are life-giving and powerful. He says if you seek Him, He will give you the desires of your heart. That’s not a wish list – it’s a download and installation of His desires into your heart when you pursue Him.
We know that hope deferred makes the heart sick. If you’ve suffered through a miscarriage, it certainly makes your heart heavy, but DON’T GIVE UP HOPE. Healing is on the way! He wants to help you heal from the heartbreak of miscarriage and give you hope for your future. He wants to give you life when all you’re feeling is lifeless.
- With His Help, You Won’t Drown in the Pain.
Sometimes, when we’re caught up in the flood of the enemy, we think the attacks on our bodies and minds will keep coming – that there is no end. I’d like to remind you that He raises up a standard against the enemy. He says when we walk through the waters, He’s with us, and the water won’t overtake us. When we have to walk through the fire, we won’t get burned or scorched. He says to FEAR NOT. You won’t drown in the pain. Cling to Him like never before, and He’ll bring you through this.
- He Wants to Bring You Peace and Rest.
He wants you to come to Him and find peace and rest – for your mind and your soul. He says to come to Him if you’re weary and heavy-laden, and He’ll give you rest. He wants you to come boldly to the throne of grace to obtain mercy and find grace to help you in your time of need. He wants you to rest. He wants to shepherd you through the valley of the shadow of death. He’s with you. He wants to comfort you. Let Him.
In closing, I want you to know that I have been where you are. Maybe our circumstances aren’t identical, but I have made it through by the grace of God, and you can too.
My prayer is that you will be able to look back at this difficult time in your life and give God the glory for it. That might seem impossible now, but give the Lord your broken heart and He will heal it. He LONGS to heal your heart. He has compassion on you and He loves you. You’ve been led to this article for the express purpose of allowing Him to heal your heart.
I would encourage you to pray about the following:
1. The Lord would help you to not allow the tragedy of miscarriage to harden your heart – or wound your heart against Him.
2. That He would heal your body, heart, and mind. There’s nothing He cannot heal. It’s hard to face what we struggle with, but He is more than capable of removing the pain and inserting peace in our lives. If we will face it, He will heal it.
3. That He would help you to have wisdom as you walk through this time of your life. That He would help you to have an eternal perspective of your life and that of your baby.
4. That He would remind you of His truth for your life. Sometimes we believe God makes us promises. Pray that He would reveal His will for your life, and that He would show you truths through His Word that you can stand upon when doubts arise.
5. That He would comfort you and your family and give you peace and rest as you wait for His direction for life.
“God is God, and God is faithful, and He cannot be otherwise.”
– Lucretia Noble
If you call on Him, He will be faithful to heal you and give you hope again.
If you’d like the Bible verses I referenced in this post, please see my Bible Study: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage.
If you are walking through healing from a miscarriage, or maybe even experiencing one now, I would love to pray with you. If you would like to contact me via my Contact Me page, please do. I will never share any of your information. If you feel like you’re alone, I assure you that you’re not. Contact me through my page and we can converse via email or private messaging of some kind. I would love to help you in any way I can. If you have other questions or helpful comments, please submit them below. I welcome the interaction.
Also, if anything in this post was encouraging to you or could be encouraging to someone else, please share it with them. Please consider the sensitive nature of miscarriage and either post to everyone you know (because you never know who could need it) or send a private message to women who could use the encouragement. Thank you for your discretion in sharing!
If you’d like some of my backstory, please visit my first post, Why “Waiting on a Whisper“.